Sorry it's long but PLEASE read and comment...
We've been together for almost 3 years. We have an 8 month old son.
2 nights ago, I PASSED OUT from exhaustion cause my son wouldn't go to sleep and my husband NEVER helps me with the baby. as soon as I got the baby to bed, I crashed on the bed! My husband decided that this would be a good time to go print something stupid (a picture of a BMW he likes) on the printer and he woke me up!!! the printer is LOUD and he blamed my waking up on me being a "light sleeper".
Last night, same thing with my son and I passed out! at 1 in the morning, he was playing around with something and knocked over the stapler on his nightstand. I woke up and decided I had no strength to argue and went back to sleep. at 3 in the morning he got up and knocked over the wooden table that holds his laptop. everything came crashing down like a bomb went off!!! Waking me and the baby! he thinks nothing of this. he says I'm the insane one for reacting to it... "What's the problem? Just go back to sleep" he says!
I can't take this anymore. There's no talking to him! when the baby was just born, I was the one who always put him to bed and it was hard cause he doesn't sleep well. as soon as I had him asleep, my husband went into the kitchen to get something and banged the cabinet doors. Another time, he came to where the baby was sleeping and flipped his jeans upside down and all the change (quarters, dimes, etc.) came trinkling down to the floor waking my poor STARTLED hysterical crying son!!! took forever to get him to calm down. Another day, I said to my husband in a WHISPER "I finally have the baby asleep, let's please try to keep it down, ok?" And when the baby was sleeping, he started looking for something ruffling through plastic bags right next to where he was sleeping and woke him.
When my husband sleeps, I always keep it down. I lower the TV and walk on tippy toes. why can't he do the same for us. I'm starting to hate him a LOT!
Not only that... we live in Brooklyn NY and he forgets to lock the door. We have a baby and it's unsafe! he doesn't care. he left the stove on and if I didn't see it one hour later, the kitchen would have gone up in flames!!! he doesn't care! he wanted to cook something yesterday and then decided not to, and left the GAS (not fire) on the stove. I started to smell gas and ran to the stove to shut it. he thinks NOTHING of this with a baby in the house! he loses money all the time cause it falls out of his pockets. Someone hacked his paypal account (which was linked to his bank account) and CLEANED HIM OUT of over $2,000 of iTunes charges and he didn't even flinch. No problem to him!
I'm so concerned for the safety of my baby boy, that I can't even leave my son with him. I try not to even let him be in the house alone without me cause I'm afraid he's gonna burn it down. I'm ready to divorce over all this? What other options do I have?
You should seriously consider taking some space apart from him if he refuses to listen to you or help out. Speak to a healthcare professional, because they will be very concerned about the safety of your child and about your health, if you keep passing out. It is vital that you either get your husband to understand and change his ways, or part from him.
Reading that made me angry at your husband and I don't even know the guy.
What an irresponsible selfish jerk. Obviously he has NO idea what it's like to look after the baby. I'd say leave the baby with him so he can understand how DIFFICULT it is but I'd also be concerned for the safety of him!
I understand you say you're ready to divorce over this but that's just your emotions/anger speaking. Try sitting your husband down and explaining how hard it is to raise the baby on little to no sleep, talk to him, communicate and hopefully he'll listen to you, otherwise each time he falls asleep, bang a pot next to his head and when he wakes in a fit of rage say "oh what's the problem? JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!"
I need a cigarette now, phew.
Your situation sucks for a lot of reasons. It's very unfair that so many men believing child rearing to entirely the women's responsibility. It's a very difficult job and you should get a great deal of help and support from him, but it sounds like you get none. I know the feeling because I am a single mother. It also sounds like he's a bit thick in the head if he can't even understand why it's not safe to leave the oven on. If I were in your situation I would leave, but that's just me. It seems to me he is only making your life more difficult. there are men out there who can handle the responsibility of raising children and turning off the gas, and by being with him you are only missing out on the man that is going to make your life more joyful. I personally find that being a single mother is easier than being with my ex because he was just one more person for me to take care of. If you really fear for your child's safety then it is your duty to your son to leave. a divorce will be difficult but time will heal the pain and eventually you'll be able to move on to a happier way of life with or without a new man. good luck
Oh my even the most neglectful of men should have reacted by now! Sad to say, but if he shows no signs of changing or taking any responsibility, he probably never will. He's programmed like that. And to be honest, he may as well live on another planet. It seems no one matters except him. there is no magic wand here I am afraid .... at least you are airing your frustration on here! But in all seriousness, I honestly think you need to start thinking of you and the baby and ways that you might be better out of this relationship. Sure, this may give your husband a jolt, but will he react enough to change. I think not. Agreed, it's easy on here for people to say 'leave him' but that's the way this is going. somehow, you and the baby are simply not loved enough to stay. And you will never, ever feel safe, will you? Whatever you decide, I do wish you luck.
I'm not saying this to be mean but your husband sounds retarded. Do you have an extra bedroom in your house/apartment? If so then I would take the baby into another bedroom and both of you sleep in there, without your retarded husband. or you could ask your husband to sleep on the couch.
Maybe your husband has some problems with his ears. he sounds like a total clutz so maybe his equilibrium is messed up and he has hearing problems as well.
im Sorry but this man sounds extremely ignorant and maybe observing his behavior be-for you had a kidd would of been the best source now with all that said , if you stay with him and these conditions don't change what that makes you look like " dumb " is one word some might say !
listen ima 24 yr old man i love having fun but i know when i have my kidd responsibility is Number 1 and if " he " hasn't got that by now i think he would never get it & probably stuck married to a boy Just-saying good look don't need a man to raise a productive kidd .
although you had not been together for long before you got pregnant, did you not realise he was like that before you decided to have his baby? Looks to me like you will have to leave him if the baby is not safe around him.
If you are passing out, isn't it good that he's waking you up?
It's never good to be unconscious for long.
I am not going to say leave him or divorce him because this is your life and in the end you will have to make up your own mind. I will however tell you that my dad was like this growing up. My poor mom and us three kids had to wak on eggshells constantly around him. Because, in addition to the things you describe, he would also lash out at us. he abused us all, not physically (though every once in a while) but more emotionally. he was bad with us but horrid to my mother. he just treated her like trash and everything was her fault. he claimed she was too sensitive and she just needed to get over it. I can't say how he acted when we were infants, though I get the impression he never wanted kids. I do know my mom was nervous to leave us alone with him. My mom didn't leave him and they are still married. he has mellowed a bit with age, but it has never been good. now they are more like business associated living in the same house. I can tell you that growing up in a situation similar to the one you described really messed me up, don't really know about my brothers. We don't really talk about it much. It has taken nearly 4 years of marriage to an absolutely wonderful man to make me realize that you can be happy. I have finally relaxed and realized that my husband is not like my dad, nor will he ever be like my dad. I always figured I would have to settle if I got married at all. Not true. every man, woman, and child has the right to a happy life.
If he's not listening when you mention things like this and is on purposely being noisy to wake you up then give him a taste of his own medicine. I'd be noisy, drop things,bang things, ect while he's trying to sleep and if he doesn't like it happening then tell him it's how you feel when he does it to you. I thank God everyday I have a normal, loving husband, who thinks of my needs before his own.
It sounds like he doesn't even want to be a father.. If I were you..threaten to move out and go through with it. Stay with a family member or friend for a few days and see what he does. It may just be a reality check for him...
What ever happens, you need to make the best/ safest decision for you and your baby....
Find someone who will love and RESPECT you too!!
At the end of my wits with my irresponsible husband? (Crying out for help!!!)?
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